this is a picture of me after i passed my class 5 driving test two weeks ago (what’s a class 5? here in BC, you get your L which is your learners and then you take a road test to get your N which is your novice and then you take another road test to get your class 5 which is your full license. this is me saying goodbye to my N and hello to a life of no more driving tests ever again yahoo!).
learning to drive for me was a long and difficult process. i failed, i cried, i had nightmares, i gave up. and then i started again. i signed up for two car shares, coaching myself to get into the driver’s seat just one more time and then again. strangely enough, driving itself was always alright and even enjoyable. it was the lead up to it that made me feel anxious, the thought of getting into a car and ending up in a situation where i wouldn’t know what to do, where people could get hurt and i would be trapped in that awful feeling with no where to go because when you’re driving, you can’t just hop out whenever you want.
for a lot of people, driving symbolizes freedom, but to me it symbolized the feeling of being trapped.
when i passed my test the second time i tried, the first person i called was my driving instructor dave (aka my driving conscience). i felt really proud to be able to call him and say thank you. i also felt really proud and happy when my license came in the mail because look! that’s my picture on that card! that’s me!
my driving anxiety has lifted little by little and one day i’ll have to look back to remember it because it won’t be with me at all anymore. it will be as natural as people in the movies make it seem and i won’t continue to fear being trapped in a state of disaster. i won’t dwell in the lead up, i’ll just keep on getting in the driver’s seat. just one more time.
and then again.